Disappointments, Decisions, and Faith...

Sometimes I think it is annoying how certain individuals can have such an impact on your life. I have a few select individuals that I feel as though anything they say to me, goes. It almost makes me feel as though I am incapable of making my own decisions due to the amount of influence they have on me.

My brother is one of the biggest influencers (if that is even a word) in my life. Almost every time I talk to him on the phone, which really isn't that often, I find myself making plans based upon what we discussed. For instance, earlier this evening we spoke about my choice of schools for which I am applying to. He gave me his opinion on where he feels I should go. Of course I sat there thinking "Why is he telling me his opinion? It's not really up to him where I go". Then what did I do? Immediately after hanging up the phone, I jumped on the internet to do more research on that school and the area of which he feels strongly about. I started to think that I was forsure going there and thinking of every possibly way to make it happen. I just wonder why I can't make up my mind on my own. Then again, I often think that maybe he was inspired, and many others, to share his opinion because God knows me and how to give me answers. He knows that I will take to heart what my brother, or other highly influencial people in my life, says and run with it.

I applied to BYU back in November and was desperately hoping and praying that I would be accepted. I wanted nothing more but to be apart of that crowd and get my education with a well known CES school. I have dreamed about being a BYU alumini since I was about 10 years old when my oldest cousin was attending. I planned and worked for my college experience all through out high school. I took certain classes that would look good on my application. When I applied the first 2 times, I was hit in the face pretty hard with letters denying me of my admission. I have been anxiously anticipating an answer since November for the third time around. I figured that it was perfect timing for me and that it was in the Lord's will. I got an email on Tuesday, February 10 2009, informing me, once again, that I was being denied. I haven't told anyone of the status until today when my best friend, Katie, asked me if I had heard any news.

I do not know why we cannot have certain things or given opportunities that we sometimes work so hard for. I wanted nothing more but to go to BYU. In fact, it is safe to say that there are two tangible things in this life that I want really bad and going to BYU is one of them. Now I am having to re-vamp my plans. I wish I could see why it has turned out this way and exactly what is in store for my future, but I also know that Heavenly Father wants me to trust Him. I am sure that He has a much better plan for me, but going on blind faith is the hardest part of my circumstance...