Why are my days so long right now? I probably should be grateful that life is going slow so I can sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride, but for some reason I have the worst case of ants in my pants. Yesterday felt like it would never end bombarding me with little pesky nuisances to tell me "hey Amber! You suck and you are fat too!" Please tell me why I have these days? I had another one today, although, it wasn't nearly as bad. I was just in constant agony hoping my classes would end for the day so I could move on.
I saw dreamboat today. He looked good, as always, and I think my class with him is what gives me anxiety for the remaining of my Tuesdays and Thursdays. His reassuring measures of letting me know he thinks about me, sometimes aid in lifting my downtrodden spirits. Like today, when I first got to class. I took my normal seat of the back row. The camera man was at the end of my table preparing to record the speeches that were supposed to be given. I happened to look over to observe the camera set when I caught an accidental look. I think Mr. J must have felt my eyes in that direction (he was sitting on the other side of him across the isle) because he looked up from his paper and in my direction. I didn't actually look back at him, but I did notice that as soon as he realized I wasn't actually looking at him, he looked away seeming a little embarrassed that he thought he might catch my gaze. Later on, amongst the class discussion of critiquing the speeches, he said something like this:
Mr J: We definitely didn't have very many speeches that had attention grabbers, but there were a few. Someone give me an example of a speech we heard where there was an attention grabber.
No one said anything. Remember, this is an early class where people are still sleeping.
Mr J: I can think of one. Hot Wings was a definite attention grabber to me. I know that I will never forget that one.
Of course he will never forget it, he is in love with the speaker. I thought as I tried to retain my smile as best I could. In my mind my cheeks were so puffed up and flushed with the deepest shade of red possible for the human skin to portray when blushing, from his acknowledgment that he is watching me, that I was afraid they were going to hit the two dudes next to me and give them second degree burns. I was good though, until the married guy next to me started telling me about his experience with the hot wings he ate over the weekend. It was then, that I just couldn't contain myself any longer. Once I was forced to talk, the smile came, and the flush was there. I just hope this guy that was sharing his story, didn't think I was blushing from him talking to me. Especially since he is married. I definitely don't need any more of those in my life!
Then dreamy asked another question and I raised my hand to answer. He called out my name, because he loves to hear it roll off his tongue, and I answered as he stared me down. I raised my hand a little later to answer another question and this time he didn't say my name, but I am pretty sure that is because he had to hide his infatuation again to keep me from knowing his true feelings.
Once, in the middle of a discussion, he looked at me while he was explaining something and immediately looked away because he started to studder his words.
He. Loves. Me.
Enough about my McSteamy, now please tell me why I struggle with my calling? I'm not even sure if it still is my calling. I'm pretty sure that my lack of diligence over the past few months has led me to losing my privileges to serve as an FHE committee member. I wish I could have been better the past few months and engaged myself in the work, but I couldn't get past my bitter feelings towards the massive size of the ward, and impossibility to meet people and feel comfortable. Now that the FHE program has changed into smaller groups, my failure to magnify my calling, has only led the leaders to choose someone else for my position. Now I am not quite sure what my calling is or if I'm still on the committee...
I'm having a hard time keeping my daily goals in check regarding my new weight loss program. This is definitely going to be a very hard 6 months...
But I can do it.
09 February 2010
08 February 2010
Girl in Distress Part #2
I am not happy about my presentation grade in my Communications class.
I think I bombed my oral examine por la clase de español.
AND my pants were too tight all day!
Please give me something better to work with tomorrow!
I think I bombed my oral examine por la clase de español.
AND my pants were too tight all day!
Please give me something better to work with tomorrow!
Girl in Distress
I'm extremely tired. I didn't fall asleep last night until after 2AM.
Then I woke up at 5AM so I could make it to the Marriot Center right when it opened in hopes to finish an assignment that was due Sunday night. Because I don't have microphone capabilities on my laptop, I was desperate and resorted to the library.
No luck in the lib, couldn't find a microphone computer in time before my first class.
A cute guy from one of my classes wore his wedding ring today. Bummer, I didn't know he was married. Just my luck.
Work was loooooooooooooooooong.
I only worked-out for 21 minutes at the gym after work because 1) I was lacking motivation and 2) I was still tired. I seemed to have lost one of my weight lifting gloves somewhere in between Saturday around 1:20PM and today around 5:03PM.
I came home and ate soup consisting of only 50 calories and a smart ones low fat browny. Because of my eating habits from earlier in the day, I am out of calories available for my consumption and I'm still hungry!
So now I will spend the rest of the evening at FHE, smelling the divine Cafe Rio my ward plans to bring in, and wishing desperately that I could just be in bed.
I am one girl in distress tonight...
Then I woke up at 5AM so I could make it to the Marriot Center right when it opened in hopes to finish an assignment that was due Sunday night. Because I don't have microphone capabilities on my laptop, I was desperate and resorted to the library.
No luck in the lib, couldn't find a microphone computer in time before my first class.
A cute guy from one of my classes wore his wedding ring today. Bummer, I didn't know he was married. Just my luck.
Work was loooooooooooooooooong.
I only worked-out for 21 minutes at the gym after work because 1) I was lacking motivation and 2) I was still tired. I seemed to have lost one of my weight lifting gloves somewhere in between Saturday around 1:20PM and today around 5:03PM.
I came home and ate soup consisting of only 50 calories and a smart ones low fat browny. Because of my eating habits from earlier in the day, I am out of calories available for my consumption and I'm still hungry!
So now I will spend the rest of the evening at FHE, smelling the divine Cafe Rio my ward plans to bring in, and wishing desperately that I could just be in bed.
I am one girl in distress tonight...
06 February 2010
Valen-singles Day
This year, instead of Valentines Day, I will be celebrating Valen-singles Day. I feel the need to celebrate this opportunity to have a care-free lifestyle. Once you are married or dating someone, that goes away. It is better to embrace your current situation, than to wallow in what you do not possess. Singleness gives an individual so many options of what they can do in their life.
I copied this off of another website because I felt it was perfect for all the singles.
10. Your shoe inventory is nobody's business but your own
Seriously, do you realize how much a full-time partner would complain about your shoe collection? Using words like "outrageous", "excessive" and "unnecessary". Really, do you need to hear your treasured possessions maligned this way? No. No you don't.
9. The only mess in your home is your own mess!
Picking up after a man is a sure way to kill the romance. Dirty socks and tossed aside t-shirts are just not your problem. If you're cleaning up a mess, at least it's your mess and you only have yourself to blame for the clutter.
8. Trust us; you'll have peace of mind
Whether you're in a brand new, shiny relationship or one that's reached a comfort level that involves sweats and popcorn on a Saturday night, interpreting the foreign language of men is always a constant. Being single means never having to say, "I wonder what he meant when he said ... "
7. Any night is girls' night
If you want to get all dolled up and hit the town with your friends, or whether you want to throw open the doors to your home to host an all-night girls night (complete of course with wine and witty banter), you can do so any night, without having to check in with you-know-who.
6. You don't have to deal with in-laws
You love your own parents but even they can drive you around the bend sometimes. When you're in a relationship, it just means two sets of parents who can annoy, aggravate, infuriate and irritate you. Who needs that? Your own parents do the job just fine.
5. It's all about you, all the time
That about sums it up. You can do what you want, go where you want, eat what you want, wear what you want, sleep in when you want, get up when you want, shop where you want ... the list goes on and on, but you get the point!
4. That big, comfortable bed is ALL yours
Sure, it's nice to snuggle from time to time, but really, when you get into bed, isn't it better to be able to stretch out and really, truly relax without the worry of getting booted off in the middle of the night by a wayward arm? Or waking up in the middle of the night with teeth chattering as you fumble blindly for your fair share of the blankets? Sleep is precious, ladies! Reclaim what's rightfully yours!
3. Birthdays and special occasions will never be forgotten
You needn't spend another birthday or Valentine's Day wondering whether he'll remember or convincing yourself that his forgetfulness doesn't translate into thoughtlessness.
2. Your entertainment options will always be entertaining to you
This means that you don't have to spend another Saturday night watching some stupid space movie or another Monday night watching grown men run across a field for 2 seconds with a ball, drop it, then run for another 2 seconds, drop it ... yes, we're talking about Monday Night Football.
And the number one reason it's great to be single?
1. Independence: That's hot!
Instead of falling into a relationship just because that's what you think you should do, embrace your singlehood and just do it all for yourself. Whether it's paying down debt or buying a new home, take pride in your solo accomplishments.
(Sorry to the person for blocking your face out if it offends you. I just needed a picture to illustrate being in someone's arms and this was the perfect example.)
I copied this off of another website because I felt it was perfect for all the singles.
10. Your shoe inventory is nobody's business but your own
Seriously, do you realize how much a full-time partner would complain about your shoe collection? Using words like "outrageous", "excessive" and "unnecessary". Really, do you need to hear your treasured possessions maligned this way? No. No you don't.
9. The only mess in your home is your own mess!
Picking up after a man is a sure way to kill the romance. Dirty socks and tossed aside t-shirts are just not your problem. If you're cleaning up a mess, at least it's your mess and you only have yourself to blame for the clutter.
8. Trust us; you'll have peace of mind
Whether you're in a brand new, shiny relationship or one that's reached a comfort level that involves sweats and popcorn on a Saturday night, interpreting the foreign language of men is always a constant. Being single means never having to say, "I wonder what he meant when he said ... "
7. Any night is girls' night
If you want to get all dolled up and hit the town with your friends, or whether you want to throw open the doors to your home to host an all-night girls night (complete of course with wine and witty banter), you can do so any night, without having to check in with you-know-who.
6. You don't have to deal with in-laws
You love your own parents but even they can drive you around the bend sometimes. When you're in a relationship, it just means two sets of parents who can annoy, aggravate, infuriate and irritate you. Who needs that? Your own parents do the job just fine.
5. It's all about you, all the time
That about sums it up. You can do what you want, go where you want, eat what you want, wear what you want, sleep in when you want, get up when you want, shop where you want ... the list goes on and on, but you get the point!
4. That big, comfortable bed is ALL yours
Sure, it's nice to snuggle from time to time, but really, when you get into bed, isn't it better to be able to stretch out and really, truly relax without the worry of getting booted off in the middle of the night by a wayward arm? Or waking up in the middle of the night with teeth chattering as you fumble blindly for your fair share of the blankets? Sleep is precious, ladies! Reclaim what's rightfully yours!
3. Birthdays and special occasions will never be forgotten
You needn't spend another birthday or Valentine's Day wondering whether he'll remember or convincing yourself that his forgetfulness doesn't translate into thoughtlessness.
2. Your entertainment options will always be entertaining to you
This means that you don't have to spend another Saturday night watching some stupid space movie or another Monday night watching grown men run across a field for 2 seconds with a ball, drop it, then run for another 2 seconds, drop it ... yes, we're talking about Monday Night Football.
And the number one reason it's great to be single?
1. Independence: That's hot!
Instead of falling into a relationship just because that's what you think you should do, embrace your singlehood and just do it all for yourself. Whether it's paying down debt or buying a new home, take pride in your solo accomplishments.
Yep! That is me for the time being and I am in love with it! Of course I will want to be with someone someday...
(Sorry to the person for blocking your face out if it offends you. I just needed a picture to illustrate being in someone's arms and this was the perfect example.)And I will want to experience the joys of being a mother...
But for now, I am going to embrace Me, Myself, and I...
New Goals
I am sorry that the pictures are life size right now. This blog is under construction, and until I figure out how to make my pictures the size that I so desire, you will have to be okay with looking at my imperfections which are so clearly visible through these photos. I also want to apologize to my dear friend Katie for the life size picture of her at the end of this page. At least she doesn't have any imperfections.
Last night I made some drastic changes to my every day routines. After ending a long stressful week of school and work, I realized that I have been eating terribly and lacking in my exercising endeavors. It has come to my attention how easy it is for those so-called "Freshman Fifteen" pounds to cling to your body and not let go similar to how I would cling to my mother's leg when walking by the Rodeo Clown of whom was promoting the sale of tickets to his show in the local Walmart store located in my small hick town(how on earth do you word that without it being a run-on?). After eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's Smore's ice cream accompanied by Smuckers' Chocolate Fudge hard shell, I decided it was time to quit. Food is a drug. It is definitely my drug. I am pretty sure that the reason we find so many overweight and obese LDS women is from the abstinence of drugs or alcohol and the succumbing to massive food overdose. We can obtain these natural highs, similar to drug highs, through food. None-the-less I would say that I am proud to be the owner of some extra flabby pieces planted on my thighs, butt, and stomach than of a drug addiction that can kill me faster than food and prevent good hygiene practices.
Anyway, back to my original topic... I am setting some new goals, and finding an easier way to implement my actions toward them in hopes to fulfill said desires. If you would like to join me in my diet, please feel free. The more competition there is, the better and harder we work at achieving our goals. Here is my 6 month plan:
1) Consume 1200 or less calories a day.
2) 2 "Extra" days a week meaning that you can eat up to 1500 calories, but do not exceed this.
3) Work-out 3 days a week for 30 minutes doing and intense workout, or 1 hour of a moderate workout. You can work out more if you would like, however, 3 days is the minimum.
4) Water, water, and more water!
5) Sign up for a 5K, or another activity equally or more intensive(depending on your abilities). Somer has invited me to do this with her and I feel like the best way to achieve your goals is to have mini-goals in between the bigger ones.
6) Every Sunday we, meaning all those who join (so far just Katie), will discuss our successes of the week.
My overall goals:
1) Fit into a size 10 jeans from the Gap
2) Obtain my Group Fitness License so I can teach kickboxing.
Let me know if you are in! And please don't judge my ice cream intake as of last night.
Last night I made some drastic changes to my every day routines. After ending a long stressful week of school and work, I realized that I have been eating terribly and lacking in my exercising endeavors. It has come to my attention how easy it is for those so-called "Freshman Fifteen" pounds to cling to your body and not let go similar to how I would cling to my mother's leg when walking by the Rodeo Clown of whom was promoting the sale of tickets to his show in the local Walmart store located in my small hick town(how on earth do you word that without it being a run-on?). After eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's Smore's ice cream accompanied by Smuckers' Chocolate Fudge hard shell, I decided it was time to quit. Food is a drug. It is definitely my drug. I am pretty sure that the reason we find so many overweight and obese LDS women is from the abstinence of drugs or alcohol and the succumbing to massive food overdose. We can obtain these natural highs, similar to drug highs, through food. None-the-less I would say that I am proud to be the owner of some extra flabby pieces planted on my thighs, butt, and stomach than of a drug addiction that can kill me faster than food and prevent good hygiene practices.Anyway, back to my original topic... I am setting some new goals, and finding an easier way to implement my actions toward them in hopes to fulfill said desires. If you would like to join me in my diet, please feel free. The more competition there is, the better and harder we work at achieving our goals. Here is my 6 month plan:
1) Consume 1200 or less calories a day.
2) 2 "Extra" days a week meaning that you can eat up to 1500 calories, but do not exceed this.
3) Work-out 3 days a week for 30 minutes doing and intense workout, or 1 hour of a moderate workout. You can work out more if you would like, however, 3 days is the minimum.
4) Water, water, and more water!
5) Sign up for a 5K, or another activity equally or more intensive(depending on your abilities). Somer has invited me to do this with her and I feel like the best way to achieve your goals is to have mini-goals in between the bigger ones.
6) Every Sunday we, meaning all those who join (so far just Katie), will discuss our successes of the week.
My overall goals:
1) Fit into a size 10 jeans from the Gap
2) Obtain my Group Fitness License so I can teach kickboxing.
Let me know if you are in! And please don't judge my ice cream intake as of last night.
05 February 2010
A gift of enthusiasm
I am learning how to appreciate the gift of enthusiasm. I never understood the divine affects that can be derived from it, nor did I appreciate that it is something so prevelant in me. My patriarchal blessing, as does my mother's regarding herself, states it multiple times that it is a gift I have been given. I have known of this gift for a long time, but recently, as I have been engaged in my studies, have found that this is one of the ways in which I find motivation and ambition to progress.
My US Government professor talked about the importance of using our enthusiasm to study and find out passions. He also talked about learning disabilities and how many people have them but are unaware they do. He told us a story of one of his children who never graduated from college due to his difficulties to learn. He made me realize that this gift of enthusiasm was given to me so I could finish out some of the more divine roles in which I have been sent here to do.
I learn the most from those who have enthusiasm for their passions. I believe that that is how internal messages are transmitted and or received to and or by others, is through this gift of enthusiasm. Now, if I could only channel my ADD and get working on using my enthusiasm to study better I would be set!
My US Government professor talked about the importance of using our enthusiasm to study and find out passions. He also talked about learning disabilities and how many people have them but are unaware they do. He told us a story of one of his children who never graduated from college due to his difficulties to learn. He made me realize that this gift of enthusiasm was given to me so I could finish out some of the more divine roles in which I have been sent here to do.
I learn the most from those who have enthusiasm for their passions. I believe that that is how internal messages are transmitted and or received to and or by others, is through this gift of enthusiasm. Now, if I could only channel my ADD and get working on using my enthusiasm to study better I would be set!
04 February 2010
Dear Mr J:
Please stop hiding your true feelings for me. I know that you are in love with me, as I am with you. I would wholeheartedly welcome the opportunity to spend an evening with you out on the town, or even in your home. I am not picky as to what we do, just as long as you are a gentleman and keep my morals in check. You would have a good time and then you wouldn't feel so awkward anymore that I am the only person who's name you know in the entire class. You wouldn't have to sit in class and think in your head "dang it, she is going to catch me looking at her again but I can't look away" anymore. You can also stop giving me 100% on all of my assignments in hopes to win me over. I can sacrifice those few extra points if it means we could stop our current non-sense of pretending you are just the teacher and I am just the student.
Wouldn't it be so much better if we both were on the same page and could actually have some fun with this? We could wink at each other from across the room when others are not looking. We could make a game out of this. I would sit in the back and stare you up and down (but this time I won't stop and look embarrassed when you catch me) until you are uncomfortable. Although, I am sure you would get me back by making me do one of my worst fears: getting up in front of the class spur of the moment and reciting, acting, or doing something relevant to the class discussion. I wouldn't be able to say no because I wouldn't want our little secret to get out to the others regarding our affairs. We could chuckle to ourselves and smile at each other when another student says something that reminds us of one of our inside jokes. I could go up to you after class to "ask a question" regarding the assignment and sneak a little love tap when you turn around to grab a paper off your desk. I can be discrete. No one will ever know.
Today, when I was giving my speech, I had the hardest time looking at you. You have such a nice smile (picture me saying this in a high pitch voice and a long sigh afterward). It made me nervous every time I did look in your direction and ended up looking at the kid who looks like the younger Mormon version of Matt Damon. I know I was supposed to look all over the room and make eye contact, but your deadly deep brown eyes were too much for me. I wonder if that is how you feel when I sit in the back row staring at you?
I was reassured of your feelings, once again, when you laughed hysterically at my speech and no one else's. Sure, it may have been funnier than the others, especially with the picture of me sitting on the toilet with my clothes on(see, I even make a fool of myself to get noticed by you), but it still satisfied me to hear your laughter. If you ever find my blog, which I doubt will ever happen because you are too cool for stalking, I think I would die. I would die even more if you were to get a hold of all the emails that I send to my best friend after leaving your class every Tuesday/Thursday to tell her what your eyes told me whenever they looked in my direction. I will just keep waiting for now until you make the first move, but just know that I am ready.
Spoken like a true girl....
Sincerely Yours,
Amber
Wouldn't it be so much better if we both were on the same page and could actually have some fun with this? We could wink at each other from across the room when others are not looking. We could make a game out of this. I would sit in the back and stare you up and down (but this time I won't stop and look embarrassed when you catch me) until you are uncomfortable. Although, I am sure you would get me back by making me do one of my worst fears: getting up in front of the class spur of the moment and reciting, acting, or doing something relevant to the class discussion. I wouldn't be able to say no because I wouldn't want our little secret to get out to the others regarding our affairs. We could chuckle to ourselves and smile at each other when another student says something that reminds us of one of our inside jokes. I could go up to you after class to "ask a question" regarding the assignment and sneak a little love tap when you turn around to grab a paper off your desk. I can be discrete. No one will ever know.
Today, when I was giving my speech, I had the hardest time looking at you. You have such a nice smile (picture me saying this in a high pitch voice and a long sigh afterward). It made me nervous every time I did look in your direction and ended up looking at the kid who looks like the younger Mormon version of Matt Damon. I know I was supposed to look all over the room and make eye contact, but your deadly deep brown eyes were too much for me. I wonder if that is how you feel when I sit in the back row staring at you?
I was reassured of your feelings, once again, when you laughed hysterically at my speech and no one else's. Sure, it may have been funnier than the others, especially with the picture of me sitting on the toilet with my clothes on(see, I even make a fool of myself to get noticed by you), but it still satisfied me to hear your laughter. If you ever find my blog, which I doubt will ever happen because you are too cool for stalking, I think I would die. I would die even more if you were to get a hold of all the emails that I send to my best friend after leaving your class every Tuesday/Thursday to tell her what your eyes told me whenever they looked in my direction. I will just keep waiting for now until you make the first move, but just know that I am ready.
Spoken like a true girl....
Sincerely Yours,
Amber
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